Frogs

By Ali Davis

Millionaire Jason Crockett (Ray Milland. No, really. Ray Milland) hates frogs. Naturally, he lives on an island estate in the middle of a big Southern swamp. His family also hates frogs, so much so that they clap their hands over their ears and scream about the horrible, horrible noise. Everybody joins in spraying toxic chemicals around, little realizing that these frogs are not just moist, they're mad. Hopping mad. The family gathers for Grandpa's annual birthday celebration, unaware that doom is hopping toward them on wet, flapping feet. The point is driven home with shot after shot of the frogs hopping... hopping... hopping... and occasionally being tossed by a helpful stagehand. Actually, the whole swamp is mad--snakes, snapping turtles, and even crocodiles- -which is really for the best because the only thing the frogs seem to have in the way of menace is that hopping thing. One by one, family members go flailing into the swamp, never to return, while those still in the house watch death hop closer. Frogs is almost as remarkable for the sartorial issues it brings up as the environmental ones. Why is everyone wearing sweaters with blazers in Florida in July? How did Joan Van Ark manage to find an outfit that combines the practicality of hot pants with the beauty of a terrycloth jumper? Will Ray Milland ever be able to get the slime off that bright white suit? And still, the frogs hop closer...

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